Off the Abyss
There’s a beautiful chair, “take a seat,” it says.
Releasing a breath with a whisper I said,
“Don’t you wish you could see the top of your eyelids?”
I sank into the chair,
And continued to sink.
The Chair called after me,
“Remember to let the tears soak in,”
As it let me drop off the cliff into the abyss.
I don’t remember the sun ever being this bright before
The piercing pain wouldn’t end.
My ears bled and my eyes wept.
But the laughter was so contagious I had to mimic it.
Stop laughing, we’re in the hospital it’s not appropriate.
The trees were shrieking with laughter out the window…
…but no one else could hear them, no one else was listening.
Crystalized Waves 4:19 AM
fear isn’t real if you’re not scared of death
it’s something your brain creates as a blockage of life not a preservation of one
i’ve never been scared of water in fact i’ve always thought dying in the water would be quite beautiful
not the drowning, i’ve heard drowning is excruciating, your lungs filling with water as they attempt to usher air in instead
but the idea of your body leaving your consciousness, feeling your heart and senses numb in a weightless form
when your pulse slows your brain races, i’ve always felt detached from my physical body in a way where the only noticeable sensation is pain
but in that way, i truly would be void of the constant weight and awareness of my body
the other day i was driving to the ocean to meet —- and ———- to go surfing. in my head i had somehow convinced myself i had a fear of the water, or more so not being able to see the sea floor
that’s a lie, something that’s never been true but somehow my brain convinced me that it was
being in the water like that, it was the first time since i stopped running that everything paused
i wasn’t thinking of anything. nothing. nothing.
i haven’t felt that way since before i stopped taking pills. it felt
weightless
i’d like to die like that, void of thoughts, of pain, void of anything at all
